So it has been several months since the last time I had written in here but I'm adding this blog into my meditation routine so that I won't neglect it like I have been. I know people think or say that people can not change in a short amount of time. However I feel like I am the same person but I have grown a lot into being wise and understanding life itself.
For example:
1. There was this woman, I knew her for 3 years, maybe more then that, well it felt longer. I enjoyed her company, even with having a best friend previous to her, I could actually call her my best friend and sister, and meant it more with all my heart then I could understand to share at the time. It was crazy how we became friends, people thought it would be impossible for us to be so close and have no intentions of calling it quits, but life and people in this life, have ways of manipulating the situation. No matter how long you know someone I guess you truly don't know someone until the hard time or times come. We had two major fights within a week, both involving other people, one her husband and second my ex best friend, in the 3 years I knew her. I hate when friendships and relationships end because of other people's doing, and not because WE didn't make it work. But even though I miss that friendship, and being able to share things that I couldn't tell anyone else without being looked at psychotic, seeing her beautiful kids, laughing it up with her parents, going out to clubs and having the most extreme craziest adventures, that still to this day even though we don't talk, I still share with other people about it. I can actually say I have moved on and know that she was a person I needed to leave behind, even if I didn't want to. I had held a lot of resentment towards her previously, especially right after we stopped talking, and even briefly a bit hurt when I saw her hanging out with my ex best friend. I literally saw my face being removed and replaced with her face, so much that I thought about writing her an email just to say something, I didn't even know what, but after meditating about it, sharing it with my parents and people who've known me longer then I've known myself, we all agreed I need to put that behind me. No need to keep stepping back into the past when I have moved forward so much within the past months. So with that conclusion I wish you the best if you ever read this, I do, even through all the bullshit. I wish you a successful marriage, and that your kids continue to grow beautifully, and even though you've hurt me more then words could describe, I'm doing amazing, and I don't take back our friendship, sisterhood. Stay blessed!
Another example: My most recent ex from last year, it's crazy what people are capable of doing even when you think that they never would. He's a great magician, he's great at creating illusions of what you want, and giving you nothing in return. I was willing to wait for him for 2 years while he traveled overseas for a teaching opportunity, only for him to cheat with his co-worker that traveled with him. We all had hanged out with each other in the states until they both left. I gave her my blessing, only for the person you least expect to stab you in the back. "" If a girl ever "steals" your man, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him, because a good man can never be stolen."" This statement is so true. I was so devastated when I found out through transcripts on skype that he was with someone else, and even when I confronted him he still denied everything. So I had to do what was the best for me, I called it quits. I'm way too good of a woman to waste my time on someone who doesn't see what I see. I used to call him asshole or roll my eyes whenever his name came up in conversations, but the past month I've been able to say his name and even laugh at some of the things people say with past or recent stories since we still have a lot of mutual friends. Then recently I had this dream about him and his girlfriend (side note what is exactly a promise ring? Especially if that someone has been engaged previously twice? Stalling method?) and his name came up more in conversations, I felt like an interaction was soon on its way. Which I was right, the next day I get a phone call from him, I didn't pick up. I was more so WTF? then willing to hear him, I email him to ask why he call, long story short, he denies that he called, that I'm the last thing on his mind and that I shouldn't have an attitude with him. RIIIIIIIIIGHT?! but I told him to delete my number and to never make contact with me. Well I guess he didn't understand that because he recently contacted me through email again saying he would like to discuss something with me that he can't do through text/email and it's on me if I want to hear what he has to say. If I could tell you the whole story readers you would know that I've gave him more then his share of chances to discuss with me, but he always denied me the opportunity to speak my mind, to hear "his side" etc way before, and now he gives a promise ring to his girlfriend and want to make a clean slate with me, well this is what I have to say, "no. you may have all your others exs as your friends, but NOT me, if you can't treat me right when you say "i love you" or as your girlfriend, or keep him in your pants, and break up with me as a man you think you are, you DONT deserve my friendship, and nothing you can say can change that." I'm not taking any more steps back into that past with him, his new "life", I'm moving forward because I was happy before him and I'm more happy without him now.
All these revelations took a lot of tears, contemplating, and hurt, but I know that where I am now, I need to be here. I've been reading up on spiritual, body and mind healing. And it truly does wonders, I was skeptical, but no longer. It's part of my daily routine along with reading and doing my affirmations. The easiest thing to do is to be happy and always think positive thoughts, because one's thought are powerful.And if you expect negativity, and stay in a negative pattern, that's what you will get majority of the time. I am not saying making these changes is smooth sailing, but taking the first step and having faith, is what you need to do to at least begin to breathe a new life.
Stay blessed-Much Love
Miss Ember
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