"The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely" -- Carl Gustav Jung
It's funny how life has many ways of showing and teaching you things even when you don't expect it to.I was debating with myself for a little bit about what my next blog post was going to be about. After talking to a friend of mine at lunch, whose in a happy new relationship and she shared a wonderful youtube video which I have posted below, I decided that I would discuss about my journey with being a single woman since August, by CHOICE.
"I will no longer date....sorta kinda. You know he sorta kinda right but sorta kinda wrong, his first name Luke his last name Warm, I will not settle for false companionship....cause all I gotta do is say No"--Janette..IKZ
After my last "relationship" I had to confront myself. Bluntly put, I was tired of being fooled. Fooled by giving people the benefit of the doubt, giving them chances and trust they didn't earn, and in return I became broken. At times people had considered me to be a "serial dater" that was never my intention. Every relationship I was in I was committed to, but at many times I didn't get to know the person prior to giving my heart away or thinking I could "change them" "make them better" and/or "give it time". Excuses that most women and even men allow to dance around in our head verifying that our actions are okay.
So I decided to do something about ME, and focused all the energy and time I would put into a relationship, towards myself. It was the best decision and relationship I have ever been in. I set a goal because as told before "A goal without a deadline is just a wish" I didn't want to wish a better relationship with myself, I wanted to BE in a better relationship with myself. So my goal was for a minimum of 6 months, no boyfriends and no sex. I could go on a date with someone I wanted to get to know better, but nothing exclusive, no arrangements, just purely company. Of course I told the men that approached me that I wasn't looking for a relationship other then with myself at this time. Many of them considered it a challenge, others respected it, and others didn't comprehend, but I didn't care I knew I had set this goal for myself, and no one else.
Having a relationship with yourself is the best blessing and the hardest, challenging goal one person can do for themselves. The Best because you start to see who YOU really are, the great personality and characteristics you possess, the love for your body, ("flaws" and all) the knowledge and insight you gain for yourself (and others to share, once you've handled your own demons). You get to know and see YOUR WORTH so much that whenever someone comes at you negatively, you know who you are and your feelings towards yourself can not sway. For example, if someone was to say "You're not attractive at all..look at your ( legs, stomach, breast, butt, face, teeth, etc)" or "You have a (fill in the blank) personality". You will be able to stand strong and know that you're beautiful just the way you are, and that most likely what they're saying negatively towards you is something that is mirroring back to them that they haven't found and/or evaluated in themselves to overcome.
I will admit there are things that we all need to work on but there is a way to let someone know politely and respectfully that you've noticed a challenge and that you would like to help. And if all fails, as my Dad told me, if you have nothing nice to say don't say anything at all.
But back to US,
It was of course Hard because not many people want to be "alone" and/or single. Majority of life we understand, especially women (and the whole biological clock ticking) the connection for companionship, its definitely a need and want. At the time when I finally started focusing on me, all of my friends started to get into or working towards a relationship. It was like I grew up too fast in the beginning, I wanted a relationship earlier then everyone else. Partially having to do with my parents being high school sweethearts and being together for 31 years now. Of course there was temptation too, even with people I've known for awhile or was extremely attracted to, but like I said I needed to do it for ME, and no one else.
If YOU can not accept yourself fully with all your flaws and perfect imperfections, how do you expect to be in a happy new relationship, when you don't understand yourself or don't love yourself. Yes, it may sound cliche. "Love yourself, for if you don't, how can you expect anybody else to love you?" I know all of us have heard it at least once, twice for good measure, but there's truth in it and that's why your great great grand parents, great grand parents, grand parents, parents, and if you are or will be parents will pass it along as well.
I am still on my journey, even passed my initial goal of 6 months, but until I feel that it's right and I have accomplished what I know I need for my future, I will stay on this journey. So even if you're in a relationship now, or you're single like myself, take time to evaluate, understand and love yourself, no one can do it better then yourself. It will help you see life in a new light as well as help your family and friends understand you better, and nourish and open new doors for re-newed or new love in your life.
"To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance" ---Oscar Wilde
---Dont forget to check out the "I will wait for you" youtube video. You will be blessed!---
Stay blessed-Much Love
Miss Ember
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