Love Out Of Lust

A pulsating breeze stretched and swallowed the sun,

Birds laughed outside my window as tears engulfed the rusted metal sky,

What some would call a misplaced sun kind-of-day,

A tidal wave of interruption shipwrecked my conscience’s joy,

Believed to believe I was dragged here without a reason,

Lies of course,

Sinker anchored at my ankles to submerge, dissect and rummage through

an empty sack of possibilities and broken hearts,

a funeral,

resurrecting ghost steps and goodbye lullabies in my soul’s bones,

nominating me to grope this madness,

In a race to my next frustration my initial excitement roams aimlessly away

as my frame now fragile from the slow stirring of a quiet pain,

I don’t want his name in here,

an intruder boldly invading my mind eventually to possess my heart,

the word “always” swims along my lips, knotted around my throat,

if you were to listen to the waves in my heart you would hear

articulated tiny, repetitive explosions of fears,

suicidal questions of the heart,

drumming intimate coded messages behind my restless eyes,

my stubbornness working overtime to confiscate my thoughts,

my feelings,

my- you know, the shit no one likes to confess,

and on occasion we fail,

catch its breath and call it “that’s life”

so I’m left with…

with struggling with you,

You make me become a spiritual rebellion,

Coveting you,

with a pinch of shame,

Catapulting me to change each glance into a gaze,

Notice the curve of your lips and how it reveals that infamous smile,

 or the glint of your eyes that is just…

simply right,

sweet paradise let me be your Earth,

celestial glory,

a touch of fantasy fused with lust,

a chemist of pleasure and pain,

I would love to play the part,

I’d like to keep you all to myself,

in no mood for substitutes,

So continue to show me what I’m looking for,

and hopefully I can show you

what you need to feel…

Life Loans a Lesson

The purple veins of the night dissipates as the devil sun smashes behind,

morning is here, pulsing and screaming over the horizon,

a classroom backdrop, the room is silent,

empty, longing to be filled,

trees bend and thrust the wind as it hounds outside her windows,

light leaps between leaves, gradually poking through the glass before bouncing gently off the black chalkboard reading

Final Exam: Life Loans a Lesson

a perfect combination of the sun and childlike hurricanes,

and she laughs

and laughs some more at the sunbeams,

sunshine doesn’t live here she says under her shattered chuckle,

this is what one would call a wounded morning,

a genesis of destruction,

she parked herself at the wooden desk, groping it as she shuts her eyes,

head bowed, hypnotized by the darkness, embracing every second,

she has a phobia, lately, for the light of reality,

so she sits and waits like a wish in the pits of a fountain,

anticipating for her mind to touch peace,

time circles around her head and she issues a silent prayer

this too shall pass, she says to herself,

false peace glows, infant possibilities shudders as

déjà vu creeps up inside her, operating to steal her breath,

her stomach filled with sharp stones and heavy bricks

makes her want to surrender to the tiredness fueling her thoughts,

but she resists,

She remembers every collapsed relationship,

every heart piece misplaced, powerful words left unsaid,

the nightmares of love and the fears of lust,

she’s a living example of fractured poetry,

Where do I go to hide from me? she asked,

Staring wide eyed now, revealing red veins encompassing over dark irises,

eyes wounded, she’s feeling the need to cry,

but her tear ducts are too proud,

She has a smile that can light up shadows

that play tricks swiftly in the room,

but she barely wears it, lately,

she gazes in smoking wonder at the memories she bumps into

when silence pops in and surrounds her,

she twists her fingers around other fingers,

probing for answers for oppressed thoughts that mingle,

lock together, kicking and screaming,

she caresses the paper subject line displayed in front of her,

it reads YOU

feelings begin to drift inside,

she takes them in to keep them blind,

yet emotions grovel for release,

when did it begin,

where each breath she takes becomes resilient suffering

until the release?

She’s working up the strength to tear up all the written

future ideas and plans staring below

under the topic line reading YOU,

and scatter them into the ocean of truth

but she’s quarter half not, quarter half ready to push denial down the stairs,

or is she feeling careless and will play the fool for one more day?

She craves for one more moment of passion,

If we shake off the shackles of knowing,

can he and I, be…maybe allowed….she debates,

I guess this is what running into the wall of exceptions feels like,

Hell after all is an acquired taste,

she says as a smirk edges towards her lips

Tiny beads of sweat populate on her top lip and the bridge of her nose,

her body temp starts to climb as her heart little by little begins to gallop, stressing, sensing the collective lonely plastic hearts shivering outside her windows, bathing in the sighing broken grass and cracked leaves,

her right hand grasps her chest where her terrible wreckage resides,

drowning in it’s beats, her heart had learned to listen this time,

it worked to detect the truth in a lie,

even when clouded with emotions and sights of him

her heart bent backwards to hear her and

was able to conclude and collect a thought, or two, in it’s hands,

her heart understand she’s a master piece of Picasso, perfectly fucked up,

Silence no longer splashes its color,

she’s surrounded with scattered searing sounds,

the screeching of trapped hates and past lovers,

her butterflies flutters by the window pane,

his memorable organ of laughter ripples closely behind,

his name curls under her lungs shoving her honey soft lips to call it out,

and she does, its hungry echo echoes a quarter of an hour later,

making her break in all the right places, so she holds them hostage,

working to not break down,

Inhaling the smell of what was done,

exhaling the sound of disbelief, requests for silence and strength

tossed up to God as she digs her toes into the floor,

She doesn’t know much about him and he doesn’t know much about her either,

Do they prefer to keep the mystery, or maybe, just maybe,

they’re both comfortable not knowing

While screwing up her breathing, there was no escaping from her voice,

so she decides to steal away a moment, chew it out of taste

to arrange a get-together of her thoughts and her heart,

listening to that twisted heart of hers she might just learn something, spilling potent words and questions,

How, how did he become my torture?

How could this...this feeling be born from another?

I did not plan on staying this long; I didn’t think I would need….

I want you,

yes you, I want you to stop disturbing my sleep,

having my mind feed on you,

making me ask should I think to give it all,

give it all in a world where not much ever seems to last?

Ha! You know, cool points for you,

for thrusting your way through,

choosing to work to be that “one of a kind”,

stapling stenciled images of you in my mind,

clever,

I isolate my heart you draw me into your world,

if only you knew the immense power you hold at your fingertips,

I’m terrified yet surprised I’m still intact,

So I’m tapping out now, last call,

It’s half past of making no sense,

flirting with ideas of possession,

the ideas of what would happen if I do,

what would happen if I don’t?

I could resurrect you from this curse you believe you’re under,

but you don’t want that,

I could hold my wings under your wound hoping I heal you soon,

but I can no longer,

make myself fall backwards into how I used to be,

It would be easier and okay for me to say I’m over it,

pretend to not care, be the type that never admits,

say that when I dream, that I prefer for you to NOT be there,

and that you’re like a great dream that I later won’t remember,

and you’ll go back home and I’ll go to mine and everything is…

you know,

make me be the one to make music mute your smile,

stomp all over the memory when you first caught my eye,

I understand that shit like this under-whelms you,

And if I could love you, I would…

I’m not sure what my words mean exactly, but I do know

that I’m losing sleep over it,

you need to… I need you to be honest with me,

instead of shifting uncomfortably in your skin,

so I ask let me in or let me out,

I need to know so I can let you go and eat the key…

to my own happiness…

And with that said, she packed up her luck,

side steps away from the desk, holding on to the paper the reads YOU

then he walked in,

a sun baked skin walking dream,

a tall glass of water sipping on a glass of water,

at that moment a cloud ripped in two,

clock’s arms decapitated, spins out of control, turning back forbidden,

sounding out alarms she accepts the sirens of time,

a breeze squeezed through the partially cracked window stroking her hair,

this is where hell begins, it whispered,

he sets off beautiful disaster in her,

she goes limp as she swallows his eyes,

plugs her ears into his words, ready to drink in his sound,

ready to crash test her heart,

secrets were tearing her apart inside, dining at her expense

trying her hardest to make all those feelings she spoke of unbend,

but words froze,

the taste of ice in her mouth and a dreading moment happened,

her words

….fell

fell…. through her, making her unable to react, a fool she became,

the very liquid of her soul was gradually eroding,

he was committing poetry murder and didn’t even know,

she appeared seemingly normal to the untrained eye,

especially since she presented herself with her head up now, shoulders pulled back, tossing a smile on her face as their eyes merged,

worried she would lose her eyes to him,

her sense of humor rose for fog of protection,

run for cover she whispered,

waiting for him to say “I will let you in”

hoping she had conquered him with her youth,

but…

but they don’t even speak,

what a shame she thought If only he was here a moment sooner,

because now that you have arrived, I have forgotten how to do it,

sucking up her last breath of him, leaving him with the look that

everything will be alright

she sees happiness waiting for her at the door,

she hands him the paper subject line now reading ME,

passes him by, leaving no footsteps to track which way she went,

not even throwing in a last glance…

Embedded Thoughts

Stars melted away, sky pressed down

As I felt the earth shift inside me,

A parachute crash landing of infection

cluttered my mind of a painted portrait

of his unknown,

Wrapped up in the evening news silence pierces,

Fragments are missing

creating the cruel delusion

of heaviness in my head

of her,

Sketching seconds of a possible future,

I’ve been working on white lies

to avoid giving up the truth to him,

In my mind I have been everywhere,

To the could-bes to the should-haves,

To the “what are YOU doing girl”?!

the clock hands of magnetic points un-spun

as I sit here and my thoughts write her,

unease slithered inside me

like an serpent’s tongue of guilt,

I can’t have her, my mind has reasoned

and right then I looked up,

wondering what her eyes were saying,

I’m determined to push my attraction for him as far….

…As far away as possible,

Create mental resistance to his ineffable mystery,

My stomach did a lazy somersault,

My heart sounded like a pendulum-

Changing,

        Banging,

Changing,

        Banging,

And banging,

                        Beating in my chest,

My heart,

I could choke you,

The word please sparkles on her neck line

as a constant heavy hearted beat, buh-beat, buh-beat,

vibrated through the twisting breeze to me,

How I really wish to hear her words, be fed by them,

I’ve even closed my eyes, willed him to leave me alone,

For him to evacuate the portion of my daily thoughts he occupies,

And fall out of my yesterdays,

Only to result in struggling,

discover the meaning of her language

that would rotate out of her mouth,

witness her demonstrate the power of words,

make me speculate if I could challenge,

if I could attempt to

cheat the predictable,

test emotions,

Only to result in struggling to

smooth out the smile that wants to take over my face

when I think of him,

and my hair defying gravity as it slowly rises

when I see him,

he lays culprit to this, does he know?

so I peeled myself off the wall

to accept her existence greedily,

immerse myself in the melodic skin of her mind,

Trace her in all the ways that mattered,

hurricane winds ruffled through her hair

as I hungered for the composition of her skin

that tasted like sweet white wine

Does he know he’s one hundred percent way too sexy?

Does he know that I secrete the need of

the next time he will make my skin catch fire?

Does he know that I taste his thunder,

smell him in my system?

Her action of silence leaves me

with the aftertaste of the wise and the fool

she knows I have what she wants,

does she know that I have what she needs?

I know he can be busy, but please, I ask,

please make some time for me

I’m ready for my abduction….

Have the gift to stop her heart over and again,

And again bring her back to life

in a flutter of a moment of movement,

Grant me the occasion to make her

be of sound body and mind

when I take her

Take me,

He needs to mark his territory,

Because I unzip my body

open up the moon for him,

and I invite him in,

I glide across the moon,

unlock her eyes, I’m coming in,

Take me baby and my thousand ignited incredibly horny pieces,

And make a precise orchestra of speechless,

He smells like the word….

Yes,

Yes,

and more yeses,

I could breathe in the fragrance forever

And never get tired of it,,

Wrap myself in the scented hours of her,

explore her image of passion,

Be subjected to a nude mental conversation,

She could kiss me out of lust, love,

Or kiss me out of fear,

as I fold her face into mine

and gain access to breaking open her ocean,

stack her prayers into solutions,

He’s the Can-I-get-an-amen man,

Amen!

He’s the man whose very presence makes me feel

As though I was naked and orgasmic,

And the orgasm would reach my eyes…

Blur the worlds of her and I,

reconnect with the earth,

stroke and pull her hair

until the shadows have melted away,

and any pessimism is a long distance

portal to the past,

Eyes, yes, eyes,

he has me feening for his dark inferno eyes,

brown pillow lips,

and his smile,

the way he smiles makes me feel like…

…like I could start to understand his magic,

mmmmmm

her eyes lit up like novas

and her lips…lethal weapons,

overwhelmingly alluring,

the type that threatens to drown you

and give you life at the same time,

He has got me to the point of asking,

If I wrote you a poem,

Would you give me some loving?

Yes, 

let me drink

and let her soul slip within,

The type of loving that I feel the sweet weight of him on me,

The type of loving that makes me ask have I discovered what my body was designed for?

permit me to go inside her,

I know it will tell me everything

I need to know.

Appreciate her flower

that smells of blazing color,

Produce shouts to erupt,

spill from tongues,

have her voice go tissue paper thin,

but she can call for me

An earthquake spiraled down my back

As he made me throb and tingle in all

the special places,

places reserved for a man’s permission

                                for a woman’s pleasure

his voice deepened blue,

eyes darkened,

“I like you; I want you; 

he’s beautiful” in the lips,

please continue to crash into me,

Fingers            

Hands

tongues

overlapping

Two hips rowing

Back and forth,

He was having an outer body experience,

Back and forth

all the way,

Back and forth

into me as deeply as possible,

I was so wet

I could hear myself now slide in

and out of her,

and that sound,

that wet, excited,

aroused sound,

thrilled me

even more,

dripping down my hips,

I prayed for monsoons,

because I’m thirsty,

my skin glistens with the moisture he creates,

shh, shh, oh how he touches me again and again,

both breathless

a mosaic of pleasure,

her breath against my neck,

her hands cracking into my back

my elongated legs wrapped around his waist

as his sweat fell against my cheekbone

from the beauty of this chemistry,

a marriage of pain and perfection

cause when we’re good, baby we’re grand,

Have my warm fingers

fall

all over her,

drop kisses there,

there,

and right there like tribal drums,

have our breaths be in sync, one accord,

kiss her thoughts,

bite old memories, fling them to the side

and lick new ones in

I don’t believe that anybody feels the way I do about him,

I would kiss his chin, lick the skin there

until moans poured from his lungs,

love him every which way but wrong,

doing everything except stopping,

unravel my, his, love,

let me taste the night from his lips

as a jazz song sings this is how I love,

baby, is my love too big

for you my love?

have each other’s eyes

skydive back into our psyche,

licking tips of fingers,

and slowly around each knuckle

 for another sample of heaven,

lick her initials into my neck,

then her lips embrace my authority

swallowing him whole,

just to bail him exquisitely out of her jail again,

and again, the biggest tease…an understatement,

I take a quick breath and surrender,

If I say I love him ….

….don’t ask me what I mean…

I deliberate if I should save my heart,

from the inescapable reality

that knocks you senseless,

take your breath away,

and leave no heart beating,

I just hope that he continues to take me,

Kiss me until I have no thoughts left in my head,

And so he has to leave marks on me,

To remind me of when we did this and that,

there,

        there

and right there,

oh yes,

reminders of the fun we had until

him, I, us releasing for 5, 6, 7,

seven stunning minutes,  

allowing me the chance to savor his taste

as I sit here examining the ceiling,

sigh,

Can I live without her holding

my name?

Should I pull her head back

and kiss her….again?

Will I ever taste his kisses again?

And the more I think about it each

l-e-t-t-e-r that forms into words

and slides into sentences

becomes jagged and cuts into me,

I bite my knuckles and then reach out for him,

Try to maneuver around his heart,

Heart shrieked in my chest

as if someone had reached inside me

and squeezed it

To locate his reply, if it loves me…

I don’t want this,

her and I,

to have an old familiar  unsettling quality

But he’s untouchable….

Because above all we are a mystery,

Her and my thoughts

are myths, legends, folklores,

unknown knowledge,

to each other,

And no matter what I believe will happen to my spirit

if I never know,

What it may be or shouldn’t be,

is her heart worth breaking?

My arms will never be long enough

to get an answer,

So I’ll spend my whole life

hiding it away,

my heart,

Stay blessed-Much Love,

Miss Ember 

It's not always how you SAY it but how you DO It

Rejection: [definition-the spurning of a person's affections; The dismissing or refusing of a proposal, idea, etc]

I really wish I was less of a thinking man and more of a fool not afraid of rejection

-Billy Joel

I've had a few conversations with friends who look at me like I'm crazy when I've said I've been rejected. Of course the weight of how many times a man is rejected is different from a woman since the usual "tradition" is men approaching women not vice versa nonetheless women get rejected too.  
     While having these conversations with  my friends (male and female) I advise them that I got rejected alot, that I didnt have a boyfriend until college. I was the girl that was the best friend but never could make it to more then friend, which I know everyone has experienced once or several times in their life.   Now I too now have rejected men, it could be of many reasons, no attraction, no chemistry, or they were just "trying" too hard, however, what I would like to speak on is HOW I declined their offer to get to know me better. There's no reason to say "ewww" "get outta my face" or be rude to someone for them approaching you especially if they're not being  disrespectful AND there's no reason to call a woman a bitch because they did not take you up on your offer either. Rejection is such a huge fear for people because of how people react to it, it's not always the approaching that is the fear.  
        I'm speaking on this because I had run into some old college acquaintances recently,  and as I've said in my previous post of me going through a transformation, their reaction to seeing me now compared to 5 years ago, was nothing close or could compare. One guy in particular I was interested in 5 years ago. I didn't know him, didn't know friends who knew him, total stranger, but he had peaked my interest for whatever reason back in the day.  When I had approached him back then, he acted and treated me like I should be "privileged" that he even acknowledged me to say even hello my name is...to the point that after I recognized that, I just walked away... and anytime I saw him I paid no mind. It hurt me back then because I'm like what did I do or maybe NOT do, to not have the chance to just even get a converstaion in with you. 
           So back to 2011 I see him on the patio with some of his friends, it took him less then 5 seconds to come up to me and say "i know you" I said "i know of you as well" He starts a conversation up with me, and with all my might  I wanted to reject him like he did me, but I decided not to, maybe to be the bigger person, but what he was saying wasn't even of any value anyways and from what he was expressing to me he didn't have a good head on his shoulders either. You can blame it on the alcohol, but in any case while looking at him, I see my taste has UPGRADED. I was not even slightly attracted to him, maybe because I remember of how much of an ass he was a few years back, but even then I don't think that was it all either. 
    In any case I'm sharing this story because  it's okay to not want to get to know someone better, because of whatever reasons you may have, but it's all in HOW you do it. Show people who are approaching you with some class and grace, and definitely respect, there is no reason to be rude unless they're being disrespectful or after you being nice they don't understand the words NO thank you. (Men {and women) getting the case of "doing too much" is not attractive) 
      This is just one of the many rejection stories I've experienced what's yours? Care to share? And did you ever run into them again a few years later? How was that interaction like?

There is one word which may serve as a rule of practice for all one's life-reciprocity. 

- Confucius

Stay Blessed and Much Love,
Miss Ember

Panty Dropper Alert

So I was talking to a friend of mine and we were sharing/swapping stories.  We got on to the topic of sex. Now I'm not trying to offend anyone.  This is purely fun and thoughts that most women would love to speak about but deny themselves. Men are not the only one who think about sex, yes, men and women BOTH present/share it differently, nonetheless it is a topic. But if you're the type to be too sensitive or close minded on the topic then you should probably stop reading my post right now.
(Waiting for your exit if you apply to above)
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Hello readers who are interested, curious, or can relate.  I'm really big on respect. Respect for others and most definitely for yourself, yet there's nothing wrong with a little bit of fun with a pinch of bad girl, in this case, when it has to do with your imagination and fantasies.  At many times I don't understand why people get sexually frustrated, ok I lied, I understand why people get sexually frustrated. I'm in that percentage of people who do, yet cheating or sleeping around does not have to be the "fix" to this frustration. There are many ways to relieve yourself a lot (or little) of this frustration, as advised, your imagination!

So my friend and I were talking about what one does to release this frustration, she spoke about toys. She doesn't have one, but is considering it, I personally couldn't do the toy thing. Have I tried? No, so the option is still out there, but right now I don't yet I do know of some women who prefer it.  Toys is a woman's fix similar to how porn is for men. Now I know there are some women who watch porn as well, like I said before, this topic can go many ways for both sides.  I personally enjoy reading erotic short stories or poetry, since I'm a poet myself, I love to see if someone's  imagination could get my "juices flowing" mentally....(maybe physically) and I have my share of written erotic poetry as well inspired by my own freewill imagination of fantasies or flashbacks ha!  Now while my friend and I was on this topic we had discussed how we're definitely not promiscuous and do NOT suggest that a woman should be, and I do NOT judge if you are, but with the disclaimer now done. 

My friend and I asked each other if we could create a fantasy, if we had the opportunity to be in a room with a celebrity who would be the male leading role? The man that we would "panty drop" for, the man that we say "he could get it". Names that were tossed out there was very diverse, we had
*Ian Somerhalder (Vampire Diaries)
*Marion Hall (Derwin Davis "The Game")
*Paul Walker (2 Fast 2 Furious)
*Brian White (I Can Do Bad All by Myself, Trois)
*Chris Brown (Singer/Dancer)
*MADD Chad (Dancer in Step Up 3)
*Boris Kodjoe (Brown Sugar, Soul Food)

It took me a few minutes to toss out a couple of names just because I usually, hardly, ever fantasize about celebrities, I feel like it's a tease BUT the good thing about this is the fact that it's exactly what it is, a FANTASY. No harm done. Now I'm not saying go stalking a celebrity to panty drop for, however, nothing wrong with letting your mind wonder, even if you are taken or single.
            So my question ladies, (and men if you turn the question around to apply to yourself in regards to women celebrities) who do you fantasize or imagine panty dropping for if you could pick a celebrity.....

                     share with your friends or comment below....

            Have fun with it, no harm done.

Stay blessed-Much Love,
Miss Ember