I Got Got

She got me, yeah I said it,

She has me getting lost in my poetry because that’s when I find her,

Run my fingers through words to caress each of her syllables,

Become fluent in her body language,

Limb to limb linguistics,

She taunts me,

unravels me,

Carves her name so perfectly into the skin of my poems,

decorating it with characteristics she withholds,

She is art,

Art unfolding illustrating my sinful thoughts seductively

and that’s why I take her home,

and get lost in her once again,

Experience the smile she wears

as I aspire to deconstruct the mysteries that make up her,

The definition of freedom exists in the moments I witness her beauty before me,

I dare to catch the light in her dark brown pools as

sweet vowels and consonants roll off her tongue forming

my name…

I deeply drink her in, staining my tongue with memories of her,

Self control crumbling as the slick combination of our chemistry pours into me slowly,

Spine weakens,

static clings to my fingertips as they long to conform to the contours of her,

sink into her solid hips

pluck at the strings of her sensuality,

kiss her lips and be profound,

immerse in her flesh,

feel her trembles in the dark,

inhale her every moan and motion and drown in pleasure,

she got me I said,

she is about to make me lose my insanity as

moonlight plays its musical keys on her skin stroking to the rhythm of her dreams,

I watch her wrapped in these words alone,

her whispers slide down my neck,

settles just at the collarbone leaving me musing

for her kiss,

Dangerous Break

The Milky Way was tattooed across her back as she laid there,

She decided to come dance with me in the moonlight that night,

I recall this as I drink it in impatiently,

huddled beneath a blanket accompanied with heavy memories.

The wonder of looking into a stranger’s eyes and discovering

parts of yourself that you have forgotten,

and parts you’ve never been introduced to, that’s what she does.

Freefalling, tumbling into her deep brown portals she haunts me,

flings me through space and beyond,

between the intercourse of Heaven and Earth.

She doesn’t recognize how much she holds of me.

And I don’t even know if I can meld words together

in any fashion that would embody her,

You see, underneath the corset of her mystery

she’s a perfect dream encased in reality.

She blends and bends inside the will of me,

provoking me to want to do nothing but to be around her,

I whispered her pretty name,

heard it echo softly

heard it echo,

heard it echo softly hoping it would reach her.

My stomach growls from starvation of her presence,

I imagine an entrance and no leaving,

Shutting the world out,

Continuously waking up to the colorful unfolding dawn with her,

Our laughs escaping into the evening,

Tangle my fingers into her hair so she wouldn’t disappear,

My skin still ripples under her ghostly caresses,

The strong winds marries her sugar scent under my nose,

Her phantom kisses lingers in-between the skips of in and out of her saying my name.

She’s delicate as a snowflake but I break between her hands.

She got me

Fall

       ing

under,

she has ambushed me and yet possibly lays somewhere in innocence,

I’ve been drinking in her eyes a little more than recommended lately,

they’ve been chasing me around for days and hours now,

I don’t know how I lost her… and misplaced myself all in one sitting,

But it happened.

Her sea storm eyes have me sketching on her sad and love lost eyelids a shade of adoration.

She’s built the Great Wall around her,

to avoid getting less then what she deserves,

a regular to the feel of “always happens” coming on,

calculates different reasons to push away,

but whatever what was so devastatingly broken inside her I will try to lift it, be the bridge that divides her fears until she feels safe again,

I barely know of this beauty, but I would do that for her.

It would be best if I could cage up all the words that have so effortlessly plunged from my lips but how can you blame me?

So put it all on me,

Even if you don’t know what to say,

I will hear your poetry, I say to her.

Free flow through me and I will read your words

You have cleverly disguised yourself in attempts to not be captured,

But you have the words to change this situation, our position,

Plant me into the pages of your next chapter so we can stem together,

Let me rest in the oasis of you,

Come take a chance and come help me write this,

because this poem is only for you.

The Self Mutilation We Call Love

I dig into the sun to paint you into this poem

because I couldn’t think of any other proper form of ink

than the one that gives life.

Lately I’ve been sipping on broken hearts,

Collecting silver linings,

Trying to get a hold on this mess of a heart that I have slowly

sewn into this work of art,

Every now and then, I keep my hurt in my pocket like spare change,

hoping I could give it away little by little to anyone I came in contact with.

You see, I crave your closeness but apparently I’m unreliable and inconsistent,

because sometimes I needed you, and other times I wanted you,

and even today sometimes I still need you.

Why would you ever want to leave when we found shelter wherever we lay,

Did you not hear the rhythm of my heartbeat beat differently around you?

Or did I not recognize that I held myself in too tight and didn’t allow enough of you in?

I told you I love you not expecting to bring you back,

I told you I love you because you live in the delusional crevices of my mind,

sending shockwaves into my soul,

and I just needed some form of peace from that piece of your love,

I told you because I was ignorant to how naïve I was before

in lying to myself that I didn’t love you,

I told you because I didn’t know where else to put my love

for you,

because there you are, as always, your silhouette in cursive appearing in every line of my every word.

I told you because my love toxicity was too high to function and you have ways of stirring me into an emotional wreck,

so badly,

that lately I’ve asked myself how can I make myself feeeel better?

So I’ve been cuddling up with serpents hoping with the lights turned off I could feel a little bit closer to you,

I would strip vocal cords from someone else in hopes their high notes would dip into me like yours did,

Hoping that being too blind and too drunk to perception I wouldn’t come to realize that it’s not you…

I told you I love you today because I never had the chance to wake up and tell you sweetly, picture perfect, what’s been the truth all along….

Bottomless Pockets

I am a sell out to your love.

I remember me when I hear you,

I can’t escape or pretend that you’re not intertwined with my insanity.

You have me wishing on orphan eyelashes, picking petals off broken flowers,

 gambling coins in wishing wells, conversing with shooting stars.

I have lost count of how many different ways you have found to destroy me.

I’ve always appear to have the ability to learn to pull myself together...just enough,

But there on my skin, I found a leftover kiss of yours…waiting,

I read your messages, your poems, and your letters and cross reference them to the slight rips in me,

honest,

I wonder what your bed feels like when she lays in it.

I remember the days we hid away from our responsibilities,

Long days we spent broke but not broken,

Matching breaths as we fell asleep,

We loved hard,

Our love was absurd,

naive,

and lethal,

it was so damn beautiful,

I knew love when it made me want to do it better!

If I had known that was our last kiss,

I would had tattooed my poetry on to your lips,

So that if you were to lay them on to anyone else they would recognize my presence.

If I had known I would never enter your heart again I would have imperfectly sang

‘I love you’ to you because love is found in that soft hesitation before the confession,

But our love shifted like fall’s falling leaves,

I heard the unhappiness in your voice and denial in mine,

You asked me to love you without saying a word

 and all I could say was take it slow,

Take your time. I’m not there yet…

because once I love

my love is bottomless pockets but because you tried to weigh it’s worth

it wasn’t enough for you…

Love Out Of Lust

A pulsating breeze stretched and swallowed the sun,

Birds laughed outside my window as tears engulfed the rusted metal sky,

What some would call a misplaced sun kind-of-day,

A tidal wave of interruption shipwrecked my conscience’s joy,

Believed to believe I was dragged here without a reason,

Lies of course,

Sinker anchored at my ankles to submerge, dissect and rummage through

an empty sack of possibilities and broken hearts,

a funeral,

resurrecting ghost steps and goodbye lullabies in my soul’s bones,

nominating me to grope this madness,

In a race to my next frustration my initial excitement roams aimlessly away

as my frame now fragile from the slow stirring of a quiet pain,

I don’t want his name in here,

an intruder boldly invading my mind eventually to possess my heart,

the word “always” swims along my lips, knotted around my throat,

if you were to listen to the waves in my heart you would hear

articulated tiny, repetitive explosions of fears,

suicidal questions of the heart,

drumming intimate coded messages behind my restless eyes,

my stubbornness working overtime to confiscate my thoughts,

my feelings,

my- you know, the shit no one likes to confess,

and on occasion we fail,

catch its breath and call it “that’s life”

so I’m left with…

with struggling with you,

You make me become a spiritual rebellion,

Coveting you,

with a pinch of shame,

Catapulting me to change each glance into a gaze,

Notice the curve of your lips and how it reveals that infamous smile,

 or the glint of your eyes that is just…

simply right,

sweet paradise let me be your Earth,

celestial glory,

a touch of fantasy fused with lust,

a chemist of pleasure and pain,

I would love to play the part,

I’d like to keep you all to myself,

in no mood for substitutes,

So continue to show me what I’m looking for,

and hopefully I can show you

what you need to feel…

Universally Speaking

Cotton clouds scratched across as the morning climbs into my blues

Cold winds rise shoplifting the warmth of the sun

Time hurdles like a river and I’m drowning,

Quietly,

Eyes calling out for some comfort,

Submerged, face first, in the question Why

The word draws a bridge before my door,

Question,

Have you ever built a bridge and watched it fall before your eyes?

I have,

Bringing home the reality of inevitable withdrawal,

I knew I hadn’t met my match, and yet I don’t know why I let myself,

Let myself get so attached,

I’ve noticed I’m rather blind,

Probably as to why I dare not to acknowledge the fine light exposing the soft silhouette of the love I left in the dark corner of the room,

A haunting silence fills the air before the whispers panic into my ears,

Lick over my eyes,

Consume my dreams,

What a girl like me got if not her dreams?

I ask,

I’ve loved love until color fades,

I’ve been crushed and put aside,

My souls been psychedelic…

for you,

I’ve looked for an exit sign to lead me on my way,

But only found your barriers, and your name,

The first flying thing in the room without you ever entering,

So I sit and stare, listen to the Earth’s affairs,

trees twist in the wind, as I feel every movement I make,

Needing the breath I must take to move…

on…

I Think I Love You

Solitude seduces these high pale walls as I stare at the ceiling,

pause,

rewind and play again a series of revelations,

Stomach filled with stones as shadows of the past stretches and encases my mind,

the moon’s steel fingers reaches into my room,

washes me in the moonlight,

gracing wounds that begin to glow and sing,

and so I ask give me the sun, give me the ball of fire’s heat,

remind me it’s better… that it’s better to be alive,

but it’s never half past safe as a constellation of thoughts revolves around in my head,

my intuition is M.I.A…..

red afro dizzy biracial rebel I am …terrified,

feeling good is the bait,

comfort is the poison,

I mummify the secrets of this,

my secrets that fits so close I have grown attach to it,

beginning to understand the darker side of midnight,

and I,

because the more I fall the more he lets go,

and I start to know less of how to win that smile within his eyes,

and yet I’m in love with his loveless eyes,

and with me not knowing where to begin or where to start,

it has accumulated for some time now,

I want to give up wanting him….but will I?

Bullied by the sudden thought of

“Will I miss the taste of wanting him…”?

I contemplate whether I dare to risk,

Continue to suffer his misunderstandings of me,

Stumble for him in the darkness,

Be willing to stand at his door insanely and completely uncalled for…yet hopeful, asking “come here, let me have you”

Tip toeing on the borderline of romance and loneliness,

and often when I feel like this, there’s a knock on the door

…and it isn’t him,

So I fuck something only to discharge the electricity since he won’t let me digest him properly,

he rarely notices how I hang on to his every word,

how I want to touch his body, walk through his mind,

take my time undressing him slowly, my voice fondling his name as I disappear inside his thunder storm of hot, loving arms,

hoping to be coated and crushed in his thick set of dreams,

bathe in his smile, held hostage in the grip of his voice,

be infected by his poison ivy kiss and frozen lips,

wishing for wine on his empty kiss,

but he pick pockets my heart, gathers himself up and leaves,

and I’m here, holding him in that brief moment, sounds of the future tangled in my pockets and I’m trapped in a block of words

I cannot say,

cradling full paragraphs of things “I should say”,

I digest his departure yet needing him to finish me as prescribed,

My black crater eyes unroll delicately to dust, I’m drowning down the feeling again as half smiles and half words mingle with full naked plastic passion and lost,

Hiding the many faces of pain,

Shaking them with the promise of “never again”,

scrubbing clean of all attached and fallen expressions,

accepting to learn to love love’s abuse,

because hell is only temporary… right?

Sadness scribbles its name on my heart, spreading like a stain as it sips on it’s pretty eyes, and yet I’m comfortable with the way I seek to survive…hidden away,

Solitary tear as I dip into the dark, Left alone with only reflections of memories, undressing him from my future,

So I’ll hang this, this gigantic red metamorphic butterfly of a heart,

Hang it right here on the wall,

Just to remind him, it once belonged to you….

---Miss Ember