Life Loans a Lesson

The purple veins of the night dissipates as the devil sun smashes behind,

morning is here, pulsing and screaming over the horizon,

a classroom backdrop, the room is silent,

empty, longing to be filled,

trees bend and thrust the wind as it hounds outside her windows,

light leaps between leaves, gradually poking through the glass before bouncing gently off the black chalkboard reading

Final Exam: Life Loans a Lesson

a perfect combination of the sun and childlike hurricanes,

and she laughs

and laughs some more at the sunbeams,

sunshine doesn’t live here she says under her shattered chuckle,

this is what one would call a wounded morning,

a genesis of destruction,

she parked herself at the wooden desk, groping it as she shuts her eyes,

head bowed, hypnotized by the darkness, embracing every second,

she has a phobia, lately, for the light of reality,

so she sits and waits like a wish in the pits of a fountain,

anticipating for her mind to touch peace,

time circles around her head and she issues a silent prayer

this too shall pass, she says to herself,

false peace glows, infant possibilities shudders as

déjà vu creeps up inside her, operating to steal her breath,

her stomach filled with sharp stones and heavy bricks

makes her want to surrender to the tiredness fueling her thoughts,

but she resists,

She remembers every collapsed relationship,

every heart piece misplaced, powerful words left unsaid,

the nightmares of love and the fears of lust,

she’s a living example of fractured poetry,

Where do I go to hide from me? she asked,

Staring wide eyed now, revealing red veins encompassing over dark irises,

eyes wounded, she’s feeling the need to cry,

but her tear ducts are too proud,

She has a smile that can light up shadows

that play tricks swiftly in the room,

but she barely wears it, lately,

she gazes in smoking wonder at the memories she bumps into

when silence pops in and surrounds her,

she twists her fingers around other fingers,

probing for answers for oppressed thoughts that mingle,

lock together, kicking and screaming,

she caresses the paper subject line displayed in front of her,

it reads YOU

feelings begin to drift inside,

she takes them in to keep them blind,

yet emotions grovel for release,

when did it begin,

where each breath she takes becomes resilient suffering

until the release?

She’s working up the strength to tear up all the written

future ideas and plans staring below

under the topic line reading YOU,

and scatter them into the ocean of truth

but she’s quarter half not, quarter half ready to push denial down the stairs,

or is she feeling careless and will play the fool for one more day?

She craves for one more moment of passion,

If we shake off the shackles of knowing,

can he and I, be…maybe allowed….she debates,

I guess this is what running into the wall of exceptions feels like,

Hell after all is an acquired taste,

she says as a smirk edges towards her lips

Tiny beads of sweat populate on her top lip and the bridge of her nose,

her body temp starts to climb as her heart little by little begins to gallop, stressing, sensing the collective lonely plastic hearts shivering outside her windows, bathing in the sighing broken grass and cracked leaves,

her right hand grasps her chest where her terrible wreckage resides,

drowning in it’s beats, her heart had learned to listen this time,

it worked to detect the truth in a lie,

even when clouded with emotions and sights of him

her heart bent backwards to hear her and

was able to conclude and collect a thought, or two, in it’s hands,

her heart understand she’s a master piece of Picasso, perfectly fucked up,

Silence no longer splashes its color,

she’s surrounded with scattered searing sounds,

the screeching of trapped hates and past lovers,

her butterflies flutters by the window pane,

his memorable organ of laughter ripples closely behind,

his name curls under her lungs shoving her honey soft lips to call it out,

and she does, its hungry echo echoes a quarter of an hour later,

making her break in all the right places, so she holds them hostage,

working to not break down,

Inhaling the smell of what was done,

exhaling the sound of disbelief, requests for silence and strength

tossed up to God as she digs her toes into the floor,

She doesn’t know much about him and he doesn’t know much about her either,

Do they prefer to keep the mystery, or maybe, just maybe,

they’re both comfortable not knowing

While screwing up her breathing, there was no escaping from her voice,

so she decides to steal away a moment, chew it out of taste

to arrange a get-together of her thoughts and her heart,

listening to that twisted heart of hers she might just learn something, spilling potent words and questions,

How, how did he become my torture?

How could this...this feeling be born from another?

I did not plan on staying this long; I didn’t think I would need….

I want you,

yes you, I want you to stop disturbing my sleep,

having my mind feed on you,

making me ask should I think to give it all,

give it all in a world where not much ever seems to last?

Ha! You know, cool points for you,

for thrusting your way through,

choosing to work to be that “one of a kind”,

stapling stenciled images of you in my mind,

clever,

I isolate my heart you draw me into your world,

if only you knew the immense power you hold at your fingertips,

I’m terrified yet surprised I’m still intact,

So I’m tapping out now, last call,

It’s half past of making no sense,

flirting with ideas of possession,

the ideas of what would happen if I do,

what would happen if I don’t?

I could resurrect you from this curse you believe you’re under,

but you don’t want that,

I could hold my wings under your wound hoping I heal you soon,

but I can no longer,

make myself fall backwards into how I used to be,

It would be easier and okay for me to say I’m over it,

pretend to not care, be the type that never admits,

say that when I dream, that I prefer for you to NOT be there,

and that you’re like a great dream that I later won’t remember,

and you’ll go back home and I’ll go to mine and everything is…

you know,

make me be the one to make music mute your smile,

stomp all over the memory when you first caught my eye,

I understand that shit like this under-whelms you,

And if I could love you, I would…

I’m not sure what my words mean exactly, but I do know

that I’m losing sleep over it,

you need to… I need you to be honest with me,

instead of shifting uncomfortably in your skin,

so I ask let me in or let me out,

I need to know so I can let you go and eat the key…

to my own happiness…

And with that said, she packed up her luck,

side steps away from the desk, holding on to the paper the reads YOU

then he walked in,

a sun baked skin walking dream,

a tall glass of water sipping on a glass of water,

at that moment a cloud ripped in two,

clock’s arms decapitated, spins out of control, turning back forbidden,

sounding out alarms she accepts the sirens of time,

a breeze squeezed through the partially cracked window stroking her hair,

this is where hell begins, it whispered,

he sets off beautiful disaster in her,

she goes limp as she swallows his eyes,

plugs her ears into his words, ready to drink in his sound,

ready to crash test her heart,

secrets were tearing her apart inside, dining at her expense

trying her hardest to make all those feelings she spoke of unbend,

but words froze,

the taste of ice in her mouth and a dreading moment happened,

her words

….fell

fell…. through her, making her unable to react, a fool she became,

the very liquid of her soul was gradually eroding,

he was committing poetry murder and didn’t even know,

she appeared seemingly normal to the untrained eye,

especially since she presented herself with her head up now, shoulders pulled back, tossing a smile on her face as their eyes merged,

worried she would lose her eyes to him,

her sense of humor rose for fog of protection,

run for cover she whispered,

waiting for him to say “I will let you in”

hoping she had conquered him with her youth,

but…

but they don’t even speak,

what a shame she thought If only he was here a moment sooner,

because now that you have arrived, I have forgotten how to do it,

sucking up her last breath of him, leaving him with the look that

everything will be alright

she sees happiness waiting for her at the door,

she hands him the paper subject line now reading ME,

passes him by, leaving no footsteps to track which way she went,

not even throwing in a last glance…