Embedded Thoughts

Stars melted away, sky pressed down

As I felt the earth shift inside me,

A parachute crash landing of infection

cluttered my mind of a painted portrait

of his unknown,

Wrapped up in the evening news silence pierces,

Fragments are missing

creating the cruel delusion

of heaviness in my head

of her,

Sketching seconds of a possible future,

I’ve been working on white lies

to avoid giving up the truth to him,

In my mind I have been everywhere,

To the could-bes to the should-haves,

To the “what are YOU doing girl”?!

the clock hands of magnetic points un-spun

as I sit here and my thoughts write her,

unease slithered inside me

like an serpent’s tongue of guilt,

I can’t have her, my mind has reasoned

and right then I looked up,

wondering what her eyes were saying,

I’m determined to push my attraction for him as far….

…As far away as possible,

Create mental resistance to his ineffable mystery,

My stomach did a lazy somersault,

My heart sounded like a pendulum-

Changing,

        Banging,

Changing,

        Banging,

And banging,

                        Beating in my chest,

My heart,

I could choke you,

The word please sparkles on her neck line

as a constant heavy hearted beat, buh-beat, buh-beat,

vibrated through the twisting breeze to me,

How I really wish to hear her words, be fed by them,

I’ve even closed my eyes, willed him to leave me alone,

For him to evacuate the portion of my daily thoughts he occupies,

And fall out of my yesterdays,

Only to result in struggling,

discover the meaning of her language

that would rotate out of her mouth,

witness her demonstrate the power of words,

make me speculate if I could challenge,

if I could attempt to

cheat the predictable,

test emotions,

Only to result in struggling to

smooth out the smile that wants to take over my face

when I think of him,

and my hair defying gravity as it slowly rises

when I see him,

he lays culprit to this, does he know?

so I peeled myself off the wall

to accept her existence greedily,

immerse myself in the melodic skin of her mind,

Trace her in all the ways that mattered,

hurricane winds ruffled through her hair

as I hungered for the composition of her skin

that tasted like sweet white wine

Does he know he’s one hundred percent way too sexy?

Does he know that I secrete the need of

the next time he will make my skin catch fire?

Does he know that I taste his thunder,

smell him in my system?

Her action of silence leaves me

with the aftertaste of the wise and the fool

she knows I have what she wants,

does she know that I have what she needs?

I know he can be busy, but please, I ask,

please make some time for me

I’m ready for my abduction….

Have the gift to stop her heart over and again,

And again bring her back to life

in a flutter of a moment of movement,

Grant me the occasion to make her

be of sound body and mind

when I take her

Take me,

He needs to mark his territory,

Because I unzip my body

open up the moon for him,

and I invite him in,

I glide across the moon,

unlock her eyes, I’m coming in,

Take me baby and my thousand ignited incredibly horny pieces,

And make a precise orchestra of speechless,

He smells like the word….

Yes,

Yes,

and more yeses,

I could breathe in the fragrance forever

And never get tired of it,,

Wrap myself in the scented hours of her,

explore her image of passion,

Be subjected to a nude mental conversation,

She could kiss me out of lust, love,

Or kiss me out of fear,

as I fold her face into mine

and gain access to breaking open her ocean,

stack her prayers into solutions,

He’s the Can-I-get-an-amen man,

Amen!

He’s the man whose very presence makes me feel

As though I was naked and orgasmic,

And the orgasm would reach my eyes…

Blur the worlds of her and I,

reconnect with the earth,

stroke and pull her hair

until the shadows have melted away,

and any pessimism is a long distance

portal to the past,

Eyes, yes, eyes,

he has me feening for his dark inferno eyes,

brown pillow lips,

and his smile,

the way he smiles makes me feel like…

…like I could start to understand his magic,

mmmmmm

her eyes lit up like novas

and her lips…lethal weapons,

overwhelmingly alluring,

the type that threatens to drown you

and give you life at the same time,

He has got me to the point of asking,

If I wrote you a poem,

Would you give me some loving?

Yes, 

let me drink

and let her soul slip within,

The type of loving that I feel the sweet weight of him on me,

The type of loving that makes me ask have I discovered what my body was designed for?

permit me to go inside her,

I know it will tell me everything

I need to know.

Appreciate her flower

that smells of blazing color,

Produce shouts to erupt,

spill from tongues,

have her voice go tissue paper thin,

but she can call for me

An earthquake spiraled down my back

As he made me throb and tingle in all

the special places,

places reserved for a man’s permission

                                for a woman’s pleasure

his voice deepened blue,

eyes darkened,

“I like you; I want you; 

he’s beautiful” in the lips,

please continue to crash into me,

Fingers            

Hands

tongues

overlapping

Two hips rowing

Back and forth,

He was having an outer body experience,

Back and forth

all the way,

Back and forth

into me as deeply as possible,

I was so wet

I could hear myself now slide in

and out of her,

and that sound,

that wet, excited,

aroused sound,

thrilled me

even more,

dripping down my hips,

I prayed for monsoons,

because I’m thirsty,

my skin glistens with the moisture he creates,

shh, shh, oh how he touches me again and again,

both breathless

a mosaic of pleasure,

her breath against my neck,

her hands cracking into my back

my elongated legs wrapped around his waist

as his sweat fell against my cheekbone

from the beauty of this chemistry,

a marriage of pain and perfection

cause when we’re good, baby we’re grand,

Have my warm fingers

fall

all over her,

drop kisses there,

there,

and right there like tribal drums,

have our breaths be in sync, one accord,

kiss her thoughts,

bite old memories, fling them to the side

and lick new ones in

I don’t believe that anybody feels the way I do about him,

I would kiss his chin, lick the skin there

until moans poured from his lungs,

love him every which way but wrong,

doing everything except stopping,

unravel my, his, love,

let me taste the night from his lips

as a jazz song sings this is how I love,

baby, is my love too big

for you my love?

have each other’s eyes

skydive back into our psyche,

licking tips of fingers,

and slowly around each knuckle

 for another sample of heaven,

lick her initials into my neck,

then her lips embrace my authority

swallowing him whole,

just to bail him exquisitely out of her jail again,

and again, the biggest tease…an understatement,

I take a quick breath and surrender,

If I say I love him ….

….don’t ask me what I mean…

I deliberate if I should save my heart,

from the inescapable reality

that knocks you senseless,

take your breath away,

and leave no heart beating,

I just hope that he continues to take me,

Kiss me until I have no thoughts left in my head,

And so he has to leave marks on me,

To remind me of when we did this and that,

there,

        there

and right there,

oh yes,

reminders of the fun we had until

him, I, us releasing for 5, 6, 7,

seven stunning minutes,  

allowing me the chance to savor his taste

as I sit here examining the ceiling,

sigh,

Can I live without her holding

my name?

Should I pull her head back

and kiss her….again?

Will I ever taste his kisses again?

And the more I think about it each

l-e-t-t-e-r that forms into words

and slides into sentences

becomes jagged and cuts into me,

I bite my knuckles and then reach out for him,

Try to maneuver around his heart,

Heart shrieked in my chest

as if someone had reached inside me

and squeezed it

To locate his reply, if it loves me…

I don’t want this,

her and I,

to have an old familiar  unsettling quality

But he’s untouchable….

Because above all we are a mystery,

Her and my thoughts

are myths, legends, folklores,

unknown knowledge,

to each other,

And no matter what I believe will happen to my spirit

if I never know,

What it may be or shouldn’t be,

is her heart worth breaking?

My arms will never be long enough

to get an answer,

So I’ll spend my whole life

hiding it away,

my heart,

Stay blessed-Much Love,

Miss Ember 

It's not always how you SAY it but how you DO It

Rejection: [definition-the spurning of a person's affections; The dismissing or refusing of a proposal, idea, etc]

I really wish I was less of a thinking man and more of a fool not afraid of rejection

-Billy Joel

I've had a few conversations with friends who look at me like I'm crazy when I've said I've been rejected. Of course the weight of how many times a man is rejected is different from a woman since the usual "tradition" is men approaching women not vice versa nonetheless women get rejected too.  
     While having these conversations with  my friends (male and female) I advise them that I got rejected alot, that I didnt have a boyfriend until college. I was the girl that was the best friend but never could make it to more then friend, which I know everyone has experienced once or several times in their life.   Now I too now have rejected men, it could be of many reasons, no attraction, no chemistry, or they were just "trying" too hard, however, what I would like to speak on is HOW I declined their offer to get to know me better. There's no reason to say "ewww" "get outta my face" or be rude to someone for them approaching you especially if they're not being  disrespectful AND there's no reason to call a woman a bitch because they did not take you up on your offer either. Rejection is such a huge fear for people because of how people react to it, it's not always the approaching that is the fear.  
        I'm speaking on this because I had run into some old college acquaintances recently,  and as I've said in my previous post of me going through a transformation, their reaction to seeing me now compared to 5 years ago, was nothing close or could compare. One guy in particular I was interested in 5 years ago. I didn't know him, didn't know friends who knew him, total stranger, but he had peaked my interest for whatever reason back in the day.  When I had approached him back then, he acted and treated me like I should be "privileged" that he even acknowledged me to say even hello my name is...to the point that after I recognized that, I just walked away... and anytime I saw him I paid no mind. It hurt me back then because I'm like what did I do or maybe NOT do, to not have the chance to just even get a converstaion in with you. 
           So back to 2011 I see him on the patio with some of his friends, it took him less then 5 seconds to come up to me and say "i know you" I said "i know of you as well" He starts a conversation up with me, and with all my might  I wanted to reject him like he did me, but I decided not to, maybe to be the bigger person, but what he was saying wasn't even of any value anyways and from what he was expressing to me he didn't have a good head on his shoulders either. You can blame it on the alcohol, but in any case while looking at him, I see my taste has UPGRADED. I was not even slightly attracted to him, maybe because I remember of how much of an ass he was a few years back, but even then I don't think that was it all either. 
    In any case I'm sharing this story because  it's okay to not want to get to know someone better, because of whatever reasons you may have, but it's all in HOW you do it. Show people who are approaching you with some class and grace, and definitely respect, there is no reason to be rude unless they're being disrespectful or after you being nice they don't understand the words NO thank you. (Men {and women) getting the case of "doing too much" is not attractive) 
      This is just one of the many rejection stories I've experienced what's yours? Care to share? And did you ever run into them again a few years later? How was that interaction like?

There is one word which may serve as a rule of practice for all one's life-reciprocity. 

- Confucius

Stay Blessed and Much Love,
Miss Ember